| PASTOR'S COUNSELING COMPENDIUM How to Counsel the Angry Person: A Bible-based Systemic Guide for Pastors and Lay Ministers Larry L. Cornine, EdD Christopher K. Cornine, PhD Copyright © 2006 by Didasko Ministry Resources, LLC |
| NOTE The format of this resource was altered in order to post it on this web page. |
Table of Contents
Introduction
Session 1: What Is Anger?
Session 2: Dealing With Anger Biblically
Session 3: Dealing With Anger Biblically, Part 2
Session 4: Managing Anger: Practical Steps, Part 1
Session 5: Managing Anger: Practical Steps, Part 2
Session 6a: Resolving Anger Toward God
Session 6b: Resolving Anger Toward Others
Session 6c: Resolving Anger Toward Self
When to Refer
About the Authors
Introduction
Session 1: What Is Anger?
Session 2: Dealing With Anger Biblically
Session 3: Dealing With Anger Biblically, Part 2
Session 4: Managing Anger: Practical Steps, Part 1
Session 5: Managing Anger: Practical Steps, Part 2
Session 6a: Resolving Anger Toward God
Session 6b: Resolving Anger Toward Others
Session 6c: Resolving Anger Toward Self
When to Refer
About the Authors
All rights reserved. No part of this material may be reproduced in any manner whatsoever without prior written permission
from the publisher except in the case of brief quotations embodied in critical articles or reviews. Permission to photocopy
forms located in the Forms folder on this CD granted to original purchaser.
For information, write Didasko Ministry Resources, LLC, P.O. Box 1945 Lee’s Summit, MO 64063
(816) 824-1355 www.didaskoministry.com
“Teaching them to observe all things whatsoever I have commanded you…” Matt 28:20
from the publisher except in the case of brief quotations embodied in critical articles or reviews. Permission to photocopy
forms located in the Forms folder on this CD granted to original purchaser.
For information, write Didasko Ministry Resources, LLC, P.O. Box 1945 Lee’s Summit, MO 64063
(816) 824-1355 www.didaskoministry.com
“Teaching them to observe all things whatsoever I have commanded you…” Matt 28:20
Session 1: What Is Anger?
Materials Needed:
Copy of Form 1
Bible(s)
Pen or Pencil
Session Overview
The first session is primarily to get acquainted. However, there is more. You will help the counselee understand the nature of anger.
When the session is over, the counselee should be able to, at minimum, define anger. The counselee should also be able to
recognize “dangerous” anger and distinguish between “justified” and “unjustified” anger. Using the TAPER® process, you will
present knowledge about anger, help the counselee process this knowledge, and assist the counselee in practicing the knowledge.
The point of practicing the knowledge is to develop a Life Plan to apply these concepts to real situations. Additionally, you will hold the
counselee accountable by evaluating their plan at the next session and revising their plan based on feedback from life application.
Teach - Providing Knowledge
Anger: What Is It?
Start the session with prayer. It is probably best that you pray first but be sure to invite the counselee to pray at the beginning of future
sessions. After praying, begin teaching by asking this question, “What is anger?” Let the counselee respond. Accept their response,
then say, “Anger is a normal emotion experienced by everyone. It is a strong emotional state aroused by a real or supposed injury or
insult.” You may want to distinguish between a “real” or “supposed” injury or insult.
Next say, “Anger has three levels of intensity; mild, moderate, and severe.” Describe the three levels this way: “Mild anger is an
irritation characterized by tense facial features and a controlled irritated mood and voice. Moderate anger is anger characterized by
more significant motor restlessness. Severe anger is the most intense stage. It has all the characteristics of moderate anger plus a
physically aggressive component such as hitting something or someone. The word ‘fury’ might describe a more moderate anger
while the word ‘wrath’ is a suitable word for severe anger.”
Before moving forward, check for understanding. Ask the counselee to summarize. Listen carefully and fill in any important left out.
Next, teach the following:
Dangerous Anger -
Now make a transition. Say “the Bible lets us know that anger may be dangerous.” Ask the counselee to mark several references to
anger in their Bible. Note that the Bible says that anger may stir up strife (Proverbs 30:33) and dissention (Proverbs 29:22). It is by
nature cruel (Proverbs 27:4). Say to the counselee “Scripture teaches that a hot-tempered man may commit many sins (Proverbs 29:
22).” Give Biblical direction for managing anger by noting that, “Christians are to control their anger and turn away from it (Proverbs 29:
8) and that, “Christians are to keep away from stimulating or stirring up anger in others by answering softly and avoiding harsh words
(Proverbs 15:1).”
Justified Anger: Stimulated by Sin.
You will use scripture to teach the difference between justified and unjustified anger. Begin with “justified anger.” Say “Anger is
justified when it is a reaction to sinful events. Said another way, our anger is justified when we become angry at the same things that
anger God.” Now ask the counselee to open their Bible and make mark the following references.
Levi and Simeon’s anger at Shechem for raping their sister Dinah is an example of justified
anger (Genesis 34:7).
Moses was angry with the people of Israel for making a golden calf to worship (Exodus 23:19).
Jonathan’s anger with Saul for treating David shamefully (1 Samuel 20:34)
Jesus exhibited justified anger when He drove the moneychangers from the temple (John 2:13-16).
Make the point again by saying, “Anger is a proper human reaction when it is stimulated by the same things that stimulate God’s
anger.”
Ask the counselee this question; “Is your anger your usually stimulated by things that would cause God to be angry?” Ask them to be
specific. Give examples. Help the counselee evaluate the cause(s) of his or her anger.
Unjustified Anger: Stimulated by Man’s Selfish Nature
Now look at “unjustified anger.” Ask the counselee to mark these scriptures in their Bible. State that unjustified anger comes from our
own selfish attitudes that we often use for justification our actions. The Old Testament provides several examples of unjustified
anger. Saul’s fear and jealously stimulated his anger at David (1 Samuel 18:8). Eliab’s sense of shame caused his angry
accusations towards David (1Samuel 17:28). Job's arrogant attitude, insisting that he had a right to an explanation from God for his
condition, caused him to be angry with God. Ask the counselee to suggest other reasons that provoke unjustified anger. Some
examples are as follows: frustration, annoyance, and disappointment, etc.
Ask the counselee this question; “Is your anger usually stimulated by your selfish nature?” Ask them to be specific. Give examples.
Help the counselee evaluate the cause(s) of their anger.
Absorb - Processing Knowledge
Use the questions on Form 1 to process the knowledge you have taught the counselee. Read each question with the counselee then
have the counselee write their response on Form 1. Complete as much as you can in the session then assign the balance as
homework.
Practice - Knowledge in Action
At this time, say to the counselee. “Educators report that learning is knowledge in action.” Specifically, learning is a behavior change.
The basic elements influencing learning is 1) Your willingness to change, 2) Having knowledge about what and how to change, 3)
Opportunities for putting the knowledge into practice, and 4) Choices to act differently when those opportunities arise.” Suggest to the
counselee to make a plan for the rest of the week based on the discussion today. Let the counselee suggest the plan. Have at least
two action points. For example, 1) The counselee may decide to identify two instances of anger, 2) To identify the causes for anger,
and 3) Decide how to “turn away” from anger. Responding to others with a gentle voice is one way to begin to “turn away” from anger.
Select one possible instance the counselee may face this week and practice the Life Plan.
Evaluation - Assessment of Action
Finally, tell the counselee that you will check their progress at the next meeting. You want to help them “walk the walk” and to keep the
spirit of James 2:17 which states that “faith without works is dead.” Commit to holding him or her accountable. Be careful to say this
in a proper way.
Refrain from making it sound like a police officer. Explain that in Ezekiel 33 the “believer-watchman” on the wall is responsible for
caring for others. Inform the counselee that it is in this sense you will check on how their week went to see how the plan worked out.
Revision - Fine Tuning Action
Before concluding the session, tell the counselee that you will use the information gained from Form 1 to revise the counselee’s Life
Plan at the next session.
End with prayer.
Materials Needed:
Copy of Form 1
Bible(s)
Pen or Pencil
Session Overview
The first session is primarily to get acquainted. However, there is more. You will help the counselee understand the nature of anger.
When the session is over, the counselee should be able to, at minimum, define anger. The counselee should also be able to
recognize “dangerous” anger and distinguish between “justified” and “unjustified” anger. Using the TAPER® process, you will
present knowledge about anger, help the counselee process this knowledge, and assist the counselee in practicing the knowledge.
The point of practicing the knowledge is to develop a Life Plan to apply these concepts to real situations. Additionally, you will hold the
counselee accountable by evaluating their plan at the next session and revising their plan based on feedback from life application.
Teach - Providing Knowledge
Anger: What Is It?
Start the session with prayer. It is probably best that you pray first but be sure to invite the counselee to pray at the beginning of future
sessions. After praying, begin teaching by asking this question, “What is anger?” Let the counselee respond. Accept their response,
then say, “Anger is a normal emotion experienced by everyone. It is a strong emotional state aroused by a real or supposed injury or
insult.” You may want to distinguish between a “real” or “supposed” injury or insult.
Next say, “Anger has three levels of intensity; mild, moderate, and severe.” Describe the three levels this way: “Mild anger is an
irritation characterized by tense facial features and a controlled irritated mood and voice. Moderate anger is anger characterized by
more significant motor restlessness. Severe anger is the most intense stage. It has all the characteristics of moderate anger plus a
physically aggressive component such as hitting something or someone. The word ‘fury’ might describe a more moderate anger
while the word ‘wrath’ is a suitable word for severe anger.”
Before moving forward, check for understanding. Ask the counselee to summarize. Listen carefully and fill in any important left out.
Next, teach the following:
Dangerous Anger -
Now make a transition. Say “the Bible lets us know that anger may be dangerous.” Ask the counselee to mark several references to
anger in their Bible. Note that the Bible says that anger may stir up strife (Proverbs 30:33) and dissention (Proverbs 29:22). It is by
nature cruel (Proverbs 27:4). Say to the counselee “Scripture teaches that a hot-tempered man may commit many sins (Proverbs 29:
22).” Give Biblical direction for managing anger by noting that, “Christians are to control their anger and turn away from it (Proverbs 29:
8) and that, “Christians are to keep away from stimulating or stirring up anger in others by answering softly and avoiding harsh words
(Proverbs 15:1).”
Justified Anger: Stimulated by Sin.
You will use scripture to teach the difference between justified and unjustified anger. Begin with “justified anger.” Say “Anger is
justified when it is a reaction to sinful events. Said another way, our anger is justified when we become angry at the same things that
anger God.” Now ask the counselee to open their Bible and make mark the following references.
Levi and Simeon’s anger at Shechem for raping their sister Dinah is an example of justified
anger (Genesis 34:7).
Moses was angry with the people of Israel for making a golden calf to worship (Exodus 23:19).
Jonathan’s anger with Saul for treating David shamefully (1 Samuel 20:34)
Jesus exhibited justified anger when He drove the moneychangers from the temple (John 2:13-16).
Make the point again by saying, “Anger is a proper human reaction when it is stimulated by the same things that stimulate God’s
anger.”
Ask the counselee this question; “Is your anger your usually stimulated by things that would cause God to be angry?” Ask them to be
specific. Give examples. Help the counselee evaluate the cause(s) of his or her anger.
Unjustified Anger: Stimulated by Man’s Selfish Nature
Now look at “unjustified anger.” Ask the counselee to mark these scriptures in their Bible. State that unjustified anger comes from our
own selfish attitudes that we often use for justification our actions. The Old Testament provides several examples of unjustified
anger. Saul’s fear and jealously stimulated his anger at David (1 Samuel 18:8). Eliab’s sense of shame caused his angry
accusations towards David (1Samuel 17:28). Job's arrogant attitude, insisting that he had a right to an explanation from God for his
condition, caused him to be angry with God. Ask the counselee to suggest other reasons that provoke unjustified anger. Some
examples are as follows: frustration, annoyance, and disappointment, etc.
Ask the counselee this question; “Is your anger usually stimulated by your selfish nature?” Ask them to be specific. Give examples.
Help the counselee evaluate the cause(s) of their anger.
Absorb - Processing Knowledge
Use the questions on Form 1 to process the knowledge you have taught the counselee. Read each question with the counselee then
have the counselee write their response on Form 1. Complete as much as you can in the session then assign the balance as
homework.
Practice - Knowledge in Action
At this time, say to the counselee. “Educators report that learning is knowledge in action.” Specifically, learning is a behavior change.
The basic elements influencing learning is 1) Your willingness to change, 2) Having knowledge about what and how to change, 3)
Opportunities for putting the knowledge into practice, and 4) Choices to act differently when those opportunities arise.” Suggest to the
counselee to make a plan for the rest of the week based on the discussion today. Let the counselee suggest the plan. Have at least
two action points. For example, 1) The counselee may decide to identify two instances of anger, 2) To identify the causes for anger,
and 3) Decide how to “turn away” from anger. Responding to others with a gentle voice is one way to begin to “turn away” from anger.
Select one possible instance the counselee may face this week and practice the Life Plan.
Evaluation - Assessment of Action
Finally, tell the counselee that you will check their progress at the next meeting. You want to help them “walk the walk” and to keep the
spirit of James 2:17 which states that “faith without works is dead.” Commit to holding him or her accountable. Be careful to say this
in a proper way.
Refrain from making it sound like a police officer. Explain that in Ezekiel 33 the “believer-watchman” on the wall is responsible for
caring for others. Inform the counselee that it is in this sense you will check on how their week went to see how the plan worked out.
Revision - Fine Tuning Action
Before concluding the session, tell the counselee that you will use the information gained from Form 1 to revise the counselee’s Life
Plan at the next session.
End with prayer.
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